Harnessing the Power of Less
I looked into a sea of high-end sweaters, shoes, and skirts that I would be shopping secondhand for in a month, some of these actual pieces, I bet. The holiday shopping bustle getting the best of Americans each year - an event I used to participate in religiously with my family at the beach outlet stores. Don’t get me wrong, shopping is fun and a rush of serotonin, but I am trying to be more mindful by buying less and shopping local, small biz when I do.
Less is more. I’ve been listening to my body, resting more, and eating what feels like less. Cultivating movement everyday, but that may look like a walk with my dogs, a stretchy yoga flow, an occasional weighted strength workout, a jog. It used to look like burning 500 calories on a spin workout or beating my body up with plyometrics. Some high intensity workouts hit the spot when I have excess energy; they make me feel strong. But in the winter I just don’t have that energy. In the summer I am bursting with it.
The days are ok. I had a good day at work, easy even, and was able to leave on time. I listened to an inspiring podcast on the commute home, and ran an errand. 545. Home. The sky was already heavy, darkness looming, my body suddenly felt sucked dry of any energy I had earlier that day. I ransacked my memory, replaying the day’s activities. Did I drink enough water? Probably not, but I never drink enough. I had enough nutritional foods. I slept alright the night prior. Why do I feel so lifeless? Heavy and empty at the same time.
I just couldn’t stand up. My eyes were welling up with salty liquid just thinking about doing a squat. My husband, trying to encourage me, says I’ll feel better if I move, if I exercise. Usually this is true. But I had mentally passed the point where I could lift my limp and cold, blood-thinned, winter shell of myself off the kitchen floor and jump around. I took a scalding shower instead. Eating dinner helped but it was bland. I try to look forward to things but I don’t like the holidays. I hold onto the thought I’ll see my sister soon - the only person I perceive to know me the way I wish to be known, though I’m probably projecting.
At least the winter steers me to books. I can read and feel important. Read and feel alive when everything else feels hollow.
I know I’m being dramatic, but I’m noticing the way the seasons impose themselves upon me, and rather than fight, rather than grit my teeth and sweat it out and pretend this isn’t a real feeling, I’ll lean in this time. So what if I slow down? If I work out less and eat less and read more and sleep more and write more? So what if I take hot showers that leave my skin blotchy and dry? At least I'm warm. At least I'm allowing myself to be. To be a human and bow to nature and let the seasons pulse within me. Kapha, grounding me to herself, the earth, reminding me that it’s ok to absorb the energy around me, to indulge in the warmth of a cozy blanket and hot shower and a good book.
MANTRA
My identity is vast and different people, places, and times will pull out different parts of me. Rather than try to figure out the one thing I am, I lean into what feels like the most authentic expression of self right now. It’s all me. I trust being in a space that feels good around people that uplift me will pull out the best in me and always align me with the perfect direction.
-Erin Jones
XOXO and an abundance of hot water,
Chan